I knew I was close in receiving my egg; I was excited. I was waiting. I was ready. I had the stone under my pillow, meditate, sit under the sunlight and moonlight Full (Blue) Moon days ago.
The day came when I just want to keep a space just for me and my egg. I practiced some breathing exercises what was also sent to me along with my stone. When it was inside of me, I was calm and I could feel a shift in my energy. There was an aching thing inside of me that no matter how much I try to talk things out, it relieves the pain superficially. I had to sit back and really deal what was going on in me. The last few weeks were triggers of years of muck!!! I've been carrying this around for years! I need to get this out of my body because it is just too much to handle. I can't let another year or another decade pass by trying to eat me alive. I already made a decision.
It still felt new to me when I was in touch with my body before inserting my egg. Why does it have to be anyway? I could feel something was stopping me even though I wanted it every inch of it. Minutes later after that, I focused on what is good for me and the mind chatter dissolved! I had one hand on my heart and the other on my womb and I could feel my body was ready. As I was waiting for my egg to be sterilized, I did my breathing exercises and whispered positive intentions to my egg.
I coated the egg with a little coconut oil and inserted it while in a hoarse stance. I was smiling as I welcome it. When it was in, I was calm. I danced a few times and fill my womb with love. It was nestled the left part of my womb. After inserting, I had to take a nap. I could feel the energy from my womb, down to my legs and feet since the Mahogany Obdsidian is for the root and sarcral chakra. I had this nagging headache and I felt tired throughout the day like something sucked inside of me. I didn't cry or anything, though I was expecting it to. I tried practicing my kegels throughout the day I had my egg. But since it is slightly smaller than my medium sized Rose Quartz, I couldn't move the egg as much as I want it to. I had it sit inside in me for a day and a half.
Here's a photo just so you know the difference of the sizes of the eggs I am talking about:
The next day, I feel angry. I knew it was one of those triggering things in my past I did not get in touch with it yet. I knew consciously what I was doing; I was aware, but this anger wants to be expressed. Hours later after that, I could feel it in me I needed to write. I have been pushing aside the idea of writing for so long. I do not know why, I just do. I tried excusing myself but my egg doesn't want to back down and I got up, took a pen and paper, and simply wrote what happened earlier to a bunch of stuff that needs some acknowledgement from me. I wrote what I needed to write on that paper. For the most part, it was about the 'THEY's" and the "YOU's" until it became to the "I's" and the "ME's". Of course it's all about me because I cannot change anybody or do things that will only lose my focus and energy. It's being realistic. I was angry, hurt, sad of what was going on in me. There was a slight tug in my heart about these people, but enough is enough. I had enough. It is time to be selfish and focus on my sh*t together. This is definitely just the beginning between me and my Mahogany Obsidian. You know I can always write even without my egg, but there was indeed a push to get myself a pen and paper and write that I needed to get done. My egg wanted me to express it on my own and see through it from my eyes with love.
...and it was because, an hour later, I could feel my egg wanted to come out. I do not want it yet to leave! When I pushed my egg out, I had it buried under the ground. I don't know what else my egg saw inside my womb, but whatever it was, she knew the things I needed to work on whatever negative energies I needed to release. Even up to now, I could feel a tingling feel in my feet.
This is about me facing my fears. Grounding and focusing me on what I need to do at this moment. I simply had enough. I can't stand to be in someone else's BS. It is so easy to spot when someone tries to sell their sh*t. It is me being selfish. I am working on it.
This is me.
xoxo,
Chloe
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